Dear Shakira,
We've been reading a lot lately about some statements you made to Billboard regarding your recent steamy video with Rihanna, and the role your boyfriend played in making this a reality. We quote:
He's very territorial, and since he no longer lets me do videos with men, well, I have to do them with women. It's more than implied in our relationship that I can't do videos like I used to. It's out of the question — which I like, by the way. I like that he protects his turf and he values me, in a way that the only person that he would ever let graze my thigh would be Rihanna.
We have three specific points of concern regarding these statements, and we hope you'll take them to heart.
1. As we've said before, using faux-bisexual girl-on-girl action to titillate men, rather than to express an authentic sexual preference, is kind of annoying. We didn't like it when Katy and Miley did it, and we don't particularly like it now.
2. It is not super-healthy that your partner has flat-out banned you from making videos in a certain way. We did some digging around and found this piece of wisdom from a PhD psychologist at the National Register of Health Service Psychologists:
Relationship control is often cloaked as a protective and loving act. The controlling partner feels that he/she is making rational judgments about the bad influence particular people have on the partner or the relationship. Even when this is true, it does not negate the psychologically abusive use of control that is occurring in the relationship.
It may seem like "territorial" actions are a sweet expression of love, but insofar as they are preventing you from making your own decisions, they are problematic and even abusive.
3. While discussing your boyfriend's controlling ways, you also said:
For so long I decided to have what I have now, this family, that it's logical for me to feel divided. A part of me — well, all of me — wants to be with them all the time and be a housewife. But there's another part of me that still wants to make music and that's still pleased with success. I won't deny it. I know it sometimes sounds almost immoral to admit you like success, but I like it — I like it.
Liking your multimillion-dollar, high-powered career is the furthest thing from "immoral," girl. It's empowering and awesome! And we bet your soccer star boyfriend is mighty happy about his well-deserved success, too.
In conclusion: we obviously know almost nothing about the realities of your relationship, and we wish you a lifetime of happiness with your partner. But you are not a "territory," damnit — you are Shakira! Now shake those hips how and with whom you want to shake them, and shake them proud. That's a big reason why we fell in love with you in the first place.
Sincerely,
Women everywhere
Image: Wikimedia Commons
